Change

Because the Universe is abundant, the job that I just quit came along at the right time exactly when I needed it. I was underemployed for years. Being underemployed is maybe better than being unemployed. But for years my work life had me feeling under-stimulated and underpaid. Something was always wrong with every other job. Maybe there was no paid time off. Maybe there was some paid time off that I used up way too fast. Sometimes I didn’t like the people and the neighborhood where the job was.


No matter what, something was always off.

But finally one day I was blessed with a job that seemed like it would work for me. Not only did this organization offer lots of vacation time I had the incredible fortune that my work schedule was only four days a week. For me, four days of work followed by three days off is extremely palatable. The fact that I had paid vacation and personal days as well was enough for me to feel like I had arrived.

But things changed.

I didn’t notice any clouds on the horizon until I was entirely in the midst of the storm.

The day came when it didn’t matter that I had all this vacation time and only had to be there four days a week. The day came when existing with my job began to feel painful like an obstacle I needed to overcome.

I was no longer grateful for the position I had or for the place I was.

I fell into a negative cycle at work.

Not only was I miserable there, but every conversation I had with my colleagues became about us discussing our discontent. I found it interesting that the prior year my social interactions with them were all benign.

But now my interactions were with other people who let on that they too were seething silently, counting down the hours until lunchtime, then again until quitting time and only feeling optimistic again very late Friday afternoon.

I knew that I had a part in attracting a particular type of person into my space. I had become so miserable it was inevitable that the people who gravitated to me at work were unhappy too.

I knew that to cleanse myself energy-wise, I had to leave that situation. I couldn’t imagine any success in the environment. I was no longer comfortable at work.

When that truth occurred to me, it was as if I had woken up from a deep slumber.

My self-love practice allowed me to see that I had to be honest with myself for the Universe to support my real desires.

I had to change my inner dialogue and practice speaking kindly to myself.

Finding the strength to be patient and kind to myself allowed me to see that I had to get myself into a new situation. A situation that would be better for me because who wants to be around someone who is seething silently? Who wants a team member who doesn’t have any desire to be on the team?

I worked on changing my toxic thought patterns.

I stopped criticizing myself for disliking something that I believed others would think was great. I had to focus on who I wanted to be. My newfound clarity allowed me to see that I was going in an opposite direction away from the sort of life I envisioned for myself.

I wanted to open myself up to experiences that felt real and valuable to me.

Leaving that job was just the first step down a new road. I have a long way to go, but I am beginning to feel free to share my ideas and opinions again. I had to stand up to myself for myself.

Have you ever been fearful of making a change even though it was exactly what you needed to do?

Let me know in the comments.

How I learned to love Exercise

For as long as I can remember I have had a love-hate relationship with exercise and fitness.

I’ve always loved the idea of looking and being fit, and I’ve always hated exercising.

But I accepted working out as a necessary evil and even if only sporadically I would make myself workout.

From time to time (when I say time to time I mean every new year) I would recommit to fitness.

Each January, I would make a vow to myself that I would eat right and workout and achieve that beach body that I’ve always wanted.

But inevitably after a month or so of eating well and working out, I’d look in the mirror and be disappointed that I didn’t look perfect yet.

Or I would be tired of stepping on the scale and not seeing the number that I wanted to see.

Not getting the results I was looking for would feel really discouraging and my workouts would become less of a priority. I’d also begin to be less mindful about what I ate. I’d go back to working out inconsistently.

But recently my attitude towards diet and fitness has changed.

Read moreHow I learned to love Exercise

Listening to my inner voice

Happy Monday!! I hope your weekend was fabulous and that you are ready to take on a new week.

Mondays feel very different now that I am not on my way to an energy draining job, depressed knowing that I have five more days to go before the weekend.

If I had not decided to listen to my inner voice, I would still be depressed and feeling stuck at my old job. I am an introspective person, who is always writing, and so the idea that I had been ignoring my inner voice makes me uncomfortable.

But it’s the truth.

For as long as I can remember I have always loved to write. Writing in a diary or journal has always been comforting to me. The sound of the pen or pencil moving across the page, the excitement about a new blank notebook, and the satisfaction of filling up a page or the entire notebook with my words; all of this is exciting stuff for me.

Writing is like a gift I give myself that keeps on giving. After writing there is that feeling of release I get from emptying my brain. And then the big payoff is reading what you wrote.

Read moreListening to my inner voice

I quit

I quit my job.

This was not an easy decision to make. My job was in a comfortable office, my co-workers were nice enough and of course, I enjoyed earning money.

But I hadn’t been happy at work for a long time. I was tired of hearing myself complain. I’ll bet that everyone else was tired of my complaining too. I just did not like my job. The work was not hard, only tedious.

The truth is it was time to go. I’d lost all interest in my job. And my lack of engagement was evident. I was late almost daily; my work ethic was dying a slow death.

But I was resistant to making the change.

Until now.

Read moreI quit

Summer ’16

I am thrilled that it is finally summer. I love everything about the summer. The abundant sunshine, the longer days. The warm weather and unexpected rains.

And that feeling of extra cold air conditioning when you come in from outside.

In the summer amazing things feel possible. It feels like there is excitement waiting around each corner.

Ordinary daily activities that can be annoying are less of a drag in the summer.

Read moreSummer ’16

Avoidance

so many choices

It has been a long time since I last posted, about three months.

It is weird how my days feel slow but still it seems like time goes by quickly.

Today I thought to myself; I have avoided posting long enough. I decided I would make today the day I get started blogging again.

I have this way of avoiding things.

Avoiding posting reminds me of all the things that I believe I really want to do.

Read moreAvoidance